U Student Dies While Waiting In Panda Express Line

panda-express Justin Adams

University of Utah campus police released details Saturday of a student who died this week in the Union cafeteria.

Witnesses say that Fred Douglas passed away while waiting in line for Panda Express.

“I mean, he looked pretty old when he got in line,” says Emily Johnson who was in the cafeteria that day. “He was maybe in his 40’s. But the line was so long that by the time he finally got to the front of the line he had aged another forty years and suddenly died of old age.”

This is the fourth such death to occur in the Panda Express line this school year. Stephen Warding, director of the Union Cafeteria says that they are hoping to take steps to decrease the number of students who die of old age while waiting to get some Chinese food. “The problem,” he says, “is that students all get in line at the same time. If you get in line for Panda Express around lunch time, you better be careful cause you might be there for hours, if not decades, before you get your food.”